after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
