He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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