he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
