Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Randomize
