Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
