i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
if only i could text you this smell
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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