i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
