at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
