My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Randomize
