I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I have aggressive nipples.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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