I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
