I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
