so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize
