My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
