I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
