i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
