guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
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