So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
