There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
