I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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