Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
