shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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