I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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