They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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