3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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