i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
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