You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
