Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
