my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
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I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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