he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
