As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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