Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
