I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
