How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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