New low: just hacked my moms facebook
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
