I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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