No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
