If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
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On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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