cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
