No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
