He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
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Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
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I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.