watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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