I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head