I'm retarded. Again.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.