I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
