I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.