where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
