no, he came in my armpit
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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