You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
