Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
