Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
