ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I just gift wrapped bread.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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