so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
