I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize