grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
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god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
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I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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