yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
