While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
