there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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