Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
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