Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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