We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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