why im i the only drunk person in the library?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
