She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
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