you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
