You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
