it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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