Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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