Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
