And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
