i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
