My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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