is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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