if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
